Pretzels
by Spirit Dog
Summary: The Warden finds a book banned by the Chantry, detailing some mighty interesting things... M,for sexual humor and implied sex. Set at the Inn at Lake Calanhad just after the Circle Tower clearing, but not real spoilers.


The tray sat on a table next to the bed. He watched it intently, contemplating his next move. There were only a few pieces left, and he had to share. Two slices of bread with meat on top remained, one with cheese, and one with cheese and fruit. Before Alistair could make a decision, a hand shot out next to his, plucked the fruit off of the cheese, put it on one of the ones with meat, claiming it. He shrugged then picked up the now naked bread and cheese. Alistair watched the woman seated next to him on the edge of the bed devour her food, as he attempted, somewhat unsuccessfully, to eat his slowly.

"Oh, I forgot to show you something", he said between bites of bread and cheese, "Wynne gave me this book, and told me to show no one but you. Sort of an apology for whatever she said to you earlier."

Reshalya devoured the last slice of bread and meat in two bites, "what sort of book?"

Alistair gave the elven woman next to him an incredulous look, "How the…"

"What?"

He shook his head, "never mind. I just am never going to get used to how much you eat compared to how small you are."

She laughed, "well, let's see this book then."

Alistair picked up the book and looked at the title. He blushed crimson down to his navel, then chuckled, "just what did you two talk about?"

"Relationships and griffons."

"Well", he said mostly regaining his composure, "it's not about griffons."

Reshalya looked over his shoulder at the cover of the book, and then gave Alistair a confused look before taking it out of his hands and opening it to a random page. The page she picked gave a very detailed description of a sexual position as well as illustrations of it.

"By Sylaise, I'm not sure that's physically possible. Lethallin, I don't think I can get my ankles behind my head."

Alistair took in the image, making his eyes grow into saucers and his mouth open slowly into a gaping circle. Every so often, he would blush all the way down to his navel. His attention was completely swallowed up by the worn sheets of the book that somehow came to reside in his lap, and made him completely oblivious to the woman seated next to him.

She was dressed only in his linen shirt and her smallclothes, while he was dressed only in a pair of buckskin trousers. The loose shirt gave her a great deal of freedom of moment. Reshalya took advantage of this by grabbing one of her bare feet and attempting to place it behind her head, just like she saw in the picture. Rather than being successful, Reshalya ended up flat on her back on the bed with her feet and hindquarters up in the air, giggling uncontrollably.

Upon seeing her predicament, Alistair's attention was diverted enough that he laid the book ever so gently down on table next to the bed. Quite a few ideas ran through his mind, but there was only one clear course of action. His hands found her sides and started to tickle his love until she gasped for air and begged for mercy.

Once she finally stopped laughing, Alistair helped Reshalya sit back up. He carefully picked up the book again then pulled the grinning, slightly disheveled elf close to him. Alistair kept an arm around her as he reopened the book. Reshalya poked at the book in Alistair's lap, her cheeks still flushed from laughing, "So what else is in this thing, it's hilarious."

Alistair chuckled, "I'm not sure that's the intended reaction, but I found a lengthily discussion on how to deal with height differences between dwarves and quinari, with illustrations."

"By the Creators! Do I even want to picture that?"

"No, not really…"

"Well if nothing else," she said as she wrapped an arm around Alistair's bare waist, "I do like Wynne a lot more after reading this. Not that I actually disliked her to begin with, but that might have been one of those funny cultural difference problems."

Alistair kissed the pointed tip of her ear, "I love you so much," he grinned broadly and blushed slightly.

"I love you too," she squirmed a bit and paused to contemplate, "Maybe I should talk with Wynne about some of the cultural differences? We are going to try to find the clans next after all."

Alistair grinned, "I think she'd like that. You looking forward to it?"

"Defiantly, and secretly I relish the idea of everyone else being the outsider for once."

Alistair laughed heartily as he flipped the book over in his hands to look at some markings on the back cover. He fingered the indentation similar to the pattern on the templar's armor, and then laughed out loud. Reshalya bent over, almost poking her nose into the book. Alistair sighed with mock exasperation, "Maker's breath woman! You're like a kitten!"

She pretend pouted in return, "What's the symbol mean? And well… I thought maybe we could find something in there interesting that's actually possible to try, not something that wants to turn me into elf-pretzel."

"It's a templar symbol. Means it's banned, and it should be removed if a templar finds it in possession of well, anyone."

"You're joking? It's not like it's about blood magic or anything dangerous! It's just sex! Besides, it's hilarious."

Alistair gave her an odd look, "Remember, this is the Chantry we're talking about. I see more and more why the clans avoid them all together."

Reshalya responded by pulling his chin down towards her and kissed him deeply. She leaned her forehead against him and smiled before kissing him again.

Panting, he pulled back slightly, "Not that I mind, but what was that for?"

She grinned like a cheshire cat, "Saying 'the clans' instead of 'your people' or 'the Dalish'."

"You're a good influence. So umm… I… well… did find something in the book that doesn't involve three people or you being a contortionist. One involved silk scarves though, and we don't have any of those."

"What's a… oh never mind… What is it, and three people?", she almost bounced on the edge of the bed.

Alistair opened up the book, and showed her the pages of what he wanted to try as well as the pages on multiples, and the pages on the things with the scarves. They read, often giggling and blushing together at the description as well as some of the more improbable positioning. He gently tickled her side, "Promise me one thing my dear?"

"For you? Anything," she smiled looking up at him.

"Never tell Zevran about this."

Reshalya took the book out of his hands and carefully placed it on the table next to the bed, "I promise."

She straddled him and kissed him passionately, wrapping her legs around his midsection, "So which do you want to try first, the one from behind or the one in the chair?"

Alistair grinned, "One then the other? Either way, I want to make my kitten purr."

"Mmm..", her teeth grazed his collarbone, "I like the sound of that."

Pushing Alistair down onto the bed, Reshalya kissed and nibbled down his chest. She tugged at the waist band of his pants, "Off."

Alistair looked up at her, "huh?"

"Pants, off. Now!"


End file.
